I am not alone.  Not alone in feeling small, insignificant, unable, scared.  In fact I am in the company of a many who went before me. Who experience the ridicule of others, being misunderstood and rejected.  I am not able to do this.  I have no guarantees.  I am not doing this for attention, to feel good or to complete myself.  I am not crazy.  I serve and love a God who is BIG, who loves BIG, who sacrifices BIG, who has BIG plans and BIG promises.  He is always enough and always at work.  Some verses keep encouraging me and being brought to mind.  Also I have a responsibility to care for my children.  I know that and more importantly God knows that.  I will always care for ALL the children that God gives me.  Ultimately He is the one who provides for each of us.  It is NEVER irresponsible to follow God, no matter what it "costs" you.
Ex 3:7-12

Then the LORD said, “I have surely seen the affliction of my people who are in Egypt and have heard their cry because of their taskmasters. I know their sufferings, and I have come down to deliver them out of the hand of the Egyptians and to bring them up out of that land to a good and broad land, a land flowing with milk and honey, to the place of the Canaanites, the Hittites, the Amorites, the Perizzites, the Hivites, and the Jebusites. And now, behold, the cry of the people of Israel has come to me, and I have also seen the oppression with which the Egyptians oppress them. Come, I will send you to Pharaoh that you may bring my people, the children of Israel, out of Egypt.” But Moses said to God, “Who am I that I should go to Pharaoh and bring the children of Israel out of Egypt?” He said, “But I will be with you, and this shall be the sign for you, that I have sent you: when you have brought the people out of Egypt, you shall serve God on this mountain.”
(Exodus 3:7-12 ESV)

Be strong and courageous. Do not fear or be in dread of them, for it is the LORD your God who goes with you. He will not leave you or forsake you.”
Deut. 31:6


Of David. The LORD is my light and my salvation; whom shall I fear? The LORD is the stronghold of my life; of whom shall I be afraid?
Psalm 27:1


And the angel of the LORD appeared to him and said to him, “The LORD is with you, O mighty man of valor.”  And Gideon said to him, “Please, sir, if the LORD is with us, why then has all this happened to us? And where are all his wonderful deeds that our fathers recounted to us, saying, ‘Did not the LORD bring us up from Egypt?’ But now the LORD has forsaken us and given us into the hand of Midian.”  And the LORD turned to him and said, “Go in this might of yours and save Israel from the hand of Midian; do not I send you?” And he said to him, “Please, Lord, how can I save Israel? Behold, my clan is the weakest in Manasseh, and I am the least in my father’s house.” And the LORD said to him, “But I will be with you, and you shall strike the Midianites as one man.”

Judges 6:12-16

But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.   Matthew 6:33

“Do not lay up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy and where thieves break in and steal, but lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust destroys and where thieves do not break in and steal.  For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.

Matthew 6:19-21

He did this so that all the peoples of the earth might know that the hand of the LORD is powerful and so that you might always fear the LORD your God."  Joshua 4:24

Peace that passes understanding

Many of you were praying for my home study.  Thank you.  My case worker came over Monday night.  She is awesome.  She put us all at ease.  And even when I felt like I couldnt articulate my answers well, she really seemed to understand what I was trying to say.  She interviewed each one of us and got the tour of the house to make sure we have enough room for another little one.  I was asked lots of questions about why I homeschool, and plans for providing for this new one.  She asks the kids if they were excited and how they felt about adopting.  Honestly we cant wait.  We are so excited to meet the one God brings to our family.  I am so thankful to be at home with my children.  

                                                 

God answers prayer

We have prayed that God would prepare "Jonathan's" heart for a family.  We have prayed that God would bring Him home quickly.  God answered.  But, God has matched Him with another forever family.  Praise His wonderful wisdom and plan.  I was stunned, and had to regroup, but amazingly I am not sad.  I know that His plans are always better than mine.  I am still waiting for who He will bring into our home.  I am thrilled for this little guy to be chosen and to be going into a family.
I went to an adoption parenting class tonight and was blessed by the parenting encouragement.  I am gearing up for a big garage sale starting tomorrow.

The sweetest 80 cents

I have been blessed beyond understanding.  My kids frequently remind me of how rich we are in what God has done and blessed us with.  He is continuing to bless and fight this Spiritual battle for the defenseless.  We have had many people donate stuff for our next garage sale and encourage us with God's Word and truth.  We have had many financial donations.  Thank all of you for how you have served and given to God and to our family.  We feel so loved by you.  Today and sweet little friend came over to play while her mom dropped off some donations, after dinner they left, but shortly returned.  She hops out of the backseat and comes up to me and says, "I wanted to give some money for your baby."  She takes out her purse and dumps her own coins into my  hand.  What a blessing.  What a tender heart for wanting to help a little child find love and a home.  Thanks for blessing me.

No matter what

When I got saved 20 years ago I remember struggling with God asking Abraham to sacrifice his only son.  I didnt think I could follow God if He asked me to do that.  I prayed and fought and came to the point where I needed to follow God "No matter what!"  I told Him I would and meant it.  Many times in tears I would beg God to make obedience easier, why me? I'd ask.  But always had an assurance that walking with Him no matter what was better than doing it my own way.
His grace, His power, His strength, His peace and His joy has been realized through my weakness, trials, letting go and asking for forgiveness.
I am so grateful that He chose me in spite of all the ugliness and sin in me.  I was completely useless to Him yet He gave me hope.  I was unworthy and ungrateful yet He sacrificed all so that I could be brought into His family.  I can never repay Him, yet He willingly gave.
There are many questions, fears, and concerns as I journey ahead.  I do not know all the answers and how things will turn out.  None of us do.  We walk with God.  In obedience to His Word.  Trusting in Him and not ourselves.  We can cling to His promises and remember His faithfulness as He shows His power to us and to the world through what He has called us to do.  We can not control our futures, but this world is not our home or for our pleasure, but to glorify God as we let Him use our lives to serve Him.  When we see how He lavishes us with undeserved love it can only motivate us to show that same love to others.

Now to him who is able to do far more abundantly than all that we ask or think, according to the power at work within us,  Eph 3:20

Do not withhold good from those to whom it is due, when it is in your power to do it.  Proverbs 3:27


And God is able to make all grace abound to you, so that having all sufficiency in all things at all times, you may abound in every good work.  2 Cor 9:8

1 more time!

Because the last garage sale was so successful.  We have decided to do one more sale before we take all the stuff down.  We still have a nice big solid wood desk, matching solid credenza, beautiful oak oval table, jogging stroller, cool barn wood shelf, tv entertainment cabinet, clothes, dishes (china), pictures.  We will also have baked goods again.  If anyone wants to donate any items for the garage or bake sale please contact me.  100% of the sale will go to adoption.  Either for my family or another family who is adopting a sibling group of 4.  Otherwise please come shop!!!  sale May 17 and 18th.

Mathew 17:20
He said to them, "Because of your little faith.  For truly, I say to you, if you have faith like a grain of mustard seed, you will say to this mountain, "Move from here to there, " and it will move, and nothing will be impossible for you."

I got accepted with a home study agency after my meeting with them today!!!!  Thank you God.  Keep making a way for me to adopt.  Bring who You want into my home.

Day 2 of garage sale

April 4 2012
after 2 long days of having a huge garage sale I am overwhelmed by generosity and the people God has brought by to encourage and to serve me.  We have been blessed with gorgeous weather and a steady turn out.  1 more day to go.  Thank you everyone who has helped out.

Also I have heard from the home study agency and they want a meeting with me to discuss my situation before they decide to take me on.  God has lifted me up and I am daring to hope for things unseen again.  (for now!)  All sorts of verses come to mind about faith being as small as a mustard seed, and God helping our unbelief and also "say to this mountain to be moved..."  Praying that God would move this hurdle and grant me an approved home study.  He has given me peace about this meeting, pray that my eyes stay on Him.  Good-night!