Monday, January 21, 2013

Good bye sweet boy

Maybe I know a little bit more how a mother feels as she makes the agonizing decision to place her child up for adoption.  To pray that God would bring a Godly family to love and protect and to lead their little one to Himself.  To let go.
The time has run out for my referral of being matched for adoption with Sweet Nikolay, whos name means "Victorious people".  The paperwork we needed could not be completed in time.  For reasons that make no sense, but are out of my control.  I have prayed for him for since June, that he would be prepared to go into his new family.  That he would know the love of God.  Will accept love from others.  Will bless others with his beautiful life.  That God would protect him, keep him safe, keep him warm. I thought of him as my son, my kids felt he was their brother.  God I give him to You.  Bring him where You want him to be.  Let him know You are near.
You are always enough.
Good- bye sweet boy.  I am not your mommy, but I have loved you with a great love.  Every moment has been worth it.







Saturday, January 5, 2013

running out of time




My heart is breaking!!!!!!!!!!!!!  Let it fall completely on God's trustworthy hands.  I dont want to give up on having N. become a part of our family.  I dont want to put away all his clothes, toys and blankets.  I dont understand.  I love this guy.  LORD, please move.  Time is running out.  Reach down at this exact time and move.  Only You can.

But I do not know the end.  You do.  I trust You.  Please take care of N.  Please take care of my heart.