on HIM not the waves!

Since I do not know how to add music to my blog I  am going to post a you tube video so you can listen to it while you read my post ;o)    

                                                                

I am going to backtrack a couple of days so that this hopefully makes sense as I say it.... A couple of nights ago we were singing on our back patio the song that goes, "Here comes Jesus, see Him walking on the water.  He'll lift you up and He'll help you to stand......"  I spent a lot of time talking to the kids about the importance of the truth of who He is and what happens when we step out of the boat to "come" do the impossible with Him.  And what happens when we take our eyes of of Him and see the waves and the storm.

                                                         

Back to today.  I guess you could say I was sinking.  I was seeing the waves.  I am tired.  So tired of waiting that I physically felt wiped out.  I hurt, love and long for someone that I have never met.  I worry that I am not a fun and loving enough mom.  I feel like my kids are even un happy with me.  I know I am not as good at _______________ as __________ is, over and over.  I dont feel like cooking, teaching, playing, praying, trusting, waiting.  And I wasnt the mom God wants me to be today.  I took my eyes off Him.  I sunk down.  The waves and the storm yelled.  "You are not good enough. They will not approve you.  It is too much work.  It is too hard."  I fumbled through the day and tucked in my kids.  Spent time reading blogs on adoption stories of people I will never live up too, just to wallow in my funk.  As I got ready for bed I clearly heard/ sensed these words.  "On HIM not the waves!"
What does that mean?  Is that what I am doing?  I think back to when I heard about the shocking lives of millions of neglected orphans.  When I asked God what could I do?  When I asked Him over and over, if He truly wanted me to adopt.  He shot down every obstacle I raised?  Every fear got silenced by His Word.  I asked Him to lead me by the hand and speak loudly.  I didnt want to do this on my own.  So I got out of the safety of my boat.  I have walked this amazing, impossible, miracle filled journey with Him and still I got overwhelmed by the furry of the storms in me as I wait.  tonight I am reaching out my hand, "Jesus, save me!"