Getting Closer

It is likely that DCFS and the people in the immigration office will be having a conference call with my home study agency soon.  Hopefully before Friday.  I think that after that call they will be able to give me my answer to whether or not they will approve me for adoption.  This is what I have been waiting for for 6 weeks!   AAAAHHHGGG.  I am excited, nervous, and anxious at the same time.

on HIM not the waves!

Since I do not know how to add music to my blog I  am going to post a you tube video so you can listen to it while you read my post ;o)    

                                                                

I am going to backtrack a couple of days so that this hopefully makes sense as I say it.... A couple of nights ago we were singing on our back patio the song that goes, "Here comes Jesus, see Him walking on the water.  He'll lift you up and He'll help you to stand......"  I spent a lot of time talking to the kids about the importance of the truth of who He is and what happens when we step out of the boat to "come" do the impossible with Him.  And what happens when we take our eyes of of Him and see the waves and the storm.

                                                         

Back to today.  I guess you could say I was sinking.  I was seeing the waves.  I am tired.  So tired of waiting that I physically felt wiped out.  I hurt, love and long for someone that I have never met.  I worry that I am not a fun and loving enough mom.  I feel like my kids are even un happy with me.  I know I am not as good at _______________ as __________ is, over and over.  I dont feel like cooking, teaching, playing, praying, trusting, waiting.  And I wasnt the mom God wants me to be today.  I took my eyes off Him.  I sunk down.  The waves and the storm yelled.  "You are not good enough. They will not approve you.  It is too much work.  It is too hard."  I fumbled through the day and tucked in my kids.  Spent time reading blogs on adoption stories of people I will never live up too, just to wallow in my funk.  As I got ready for bed I clearly heard/ sensed these words.  "On HIM not the waves!"
What does that mean?  Is that what I am doing?  I think back to when I heard about the shocking lives of millions of neglected orphans.  When I asked God what could I do?  When I asked Him over and over, if He truly wanted me to adopt.  He shot down every obstacle I raised?  Every fear got silenced by His Word.  I asked Him to lead me by the hand and speak loudly.  I didnt want to do this on my own.  So I got out of the safety of my boat.  I have walked this amazing, impossible, miracle filled journey with Him and still I got overwhelmed by the furry of the storms in me as I wait.  tonight I am reaching out my hand, "Jesus, save me!"

Holding on

I wish I was writing to share that we have received our approval.  Unfortunately, I am not.  I am still on waiting for answers.  I talked with DCFS today and am hoping that things get resolved quickly, but not setting myself too firmly in that hope.  Instead, I am trying to make the most out of each day and continue doing all the many things that I have to do.  I just read this quote from a mom who is in the Ukraine now adopting her children.  
"Russell Moore, in his book “Adopted for Life” said “Adoption is not charity, it is war.” Friends, Russell Moore is right. Satan hates adoption. He has to come to steal and destroy. Our battle is not over, but I feel with all of my heart that we are walking into a miracle. We know that God goes before us, He has paved the way. He loves these children more than we can even imagine and HE fights for them. For us. We need only be still."

Right now I will be still and know that He is God and rest in that alone.  I just wanted to let people know what is  (and is not) going on.

Anticipating Victory

In great anticipation of getting my home study approved this week, I sent my two sweet little boys of to Gramma's house so I can get tons done with my biggest 4 helpers.  And I went garage sailing Friday and bought a few outfits and shoes for my new baby.
I am completely prepared to tackle all the documents that I can to complete my I800A papers and my dossier.  We also plan on getting lots of soap, lipbalm and jewelry made and ready for sale for raising funds to bring sweet "David" home.  I am going to try to post a entry that introduces our new little addition that has a password on it.  For security reasons we are not allowed to post real information about him publicly until he is adopted and ours, but we can share with family and friends.  So if you are a family and friend and want to meet him, please let me know and I will gladly share him with you.
If any of you are interested in buying any of these things for yourself or for gifts, you can go to Susannah's blog and she has them posted with tabs to look at the different things.  Every little amount helps.   baffafamily.blogspot.com
On a great note fundraising wise.  Our total costs are estimated at $29,000 and I think I only need to raise $13,440 more to be completely covered.  This weekend I was blessed with more money towards our adoption fund.  Thank you for helping me.