Immanuel- God is with us

I have avoided writing lately.  I havent had words to say.  Nothing positive has happened from all the documents that have been sent to different lawyers.  Although everyone, lawyers and immigration people say that it should all be fine, no one can give me anything in writing so far to take back in my defense.  My time is running out on my referral of the little boy I have been praying for and planning to be my son. So I was discouraged.  The sickness and death of many adopted kids or orphans that I have been praying for and then the Russian ban on adoptions to the US completely defeated me.  But, that is exactly where the Father of lies wants me to be.  He is the destroyer.  Today God used many things to set me straight again.  Some thoughts from today before I go to sleep are.
1.  Time to do good is now.  Satan is destroying and it is not ok to sit by and watch and give up in defeat.
^{1 John 3:16} This is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down his life for us. And we ought to lay down our lives for our brothers and sisters. ¹⁷ If anyone has material possessions and sees a brother or sister in need but has no pity on them, how can the love of God be in that person? ¹⁸ Dear children, let us not love with words or speech but with actions and in truth.
and in 2 Peter I was reminded that God is creator over all and will punish the evil doers.  I can not allow myself to be overwhelmed by evil.
2.  God is not subject to Satans schemes.  He is able to do anything.
^{1John 4:4} Little children, you are from God and have overcome them, for he who is in you is greater than he who is in the world.

I do believe that God is able to make this adoption happen still, but more than that I am stepping out of fear and discouragement and trusting that He has brought me to this place for His purpose.  His purposes are good.  He will see me through.  He is in control, so it is ok.  Ok to let go, again.  Ok to not know, still.  Ok to hope, longer.  And ok to hurt, He is here.

My Crib

We were riding in the car the yesterday when Susannah found a sweet picture of Anthony when he was about 2 weeks old.  We were all ooohhing and ahhing at how cute and little he was.  She passed it back to him and said that that was him as a little baby.  He said, "AWW so cute.  Is that when I was still in Bulgaria and in a crib?"
No precious boy, you have always been here.  You were born in Mama's tummy.  So cute to realize how much they think about and internalize all that is going on.
It reminds me of bedtime about 4 months ago when he was hugging me and said when he grows up he was going to get lots of babies and carry them with him everywhere.  I asked him where he was going to get his babies from and he said confidently, "from Bulgaria!"  Ah of course.

Or a couple of nights ago when we were checking out N. "David's" picture on the computer and he says, "I want to go get him right now!"  I said well I do too but we dont even know if we will be able to adopt N.  He defiantly said, "Yes, I want him to come home now.  I love him."  He is going to make a very good big brother.

Waging war

God you are my GOD.  Direct my steps.  We are back in the game, for now. 

"For though we live in the world, we do not wage war as the world does.

The weapons we fight with are not the weapons of the world. 

On the contrary, they have divine power to demolish strongholds.

We demolish arguments and every pretension that 

sets itself up against the knowledge of God, 

and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ."

2 Corinthians 10:3-5

PRAYING fervently for God to move His hand and remove the obstacles blocking the way.  

He is able!  Pray with me.  

Wait on the Lord; be of good courage, and He shall strengthen your heart; wait, I say, on the Lord! Psalm 27:14


After agonizing weeks and months of striving and trying to get approved.  I have hit a brick wall with DCFS.  I was told on Monday that we can not go any further at this time.  With the way things are in DCFS I am unable to adopt internationally.  If things change in the way things are processed I would be able to apply again.  For now we are finished.
This is heartbreaking for us, and we once again cry out to God, "why? what now?"  I have no answers.

Wait on the Lord; be of good courage, and He shall strengthen your heart; wait, I say, on the Lord! Psalm 27:14


Things I know, God has been all over this.  I have seen His love for me, my children, the orphans, and the whole world in a new way.  The way I cherish my time with each of my kids and want to lead them to know and serve God wholeheartedly.  Seeing how much more I can deny myself to help and serve others.  His redemption.  His saving grace.  How completely desperate and unable I am to bring myself into the family of God, but how in His mercy, He welcomed me into His family.  He chose me to be His forever.  My eyes have been opened to pain and suffering all around me more that makes me want to love and live without hesitation.  I have longed for heaven to come quickly, unlike ever before.  I have prayed for and loved someone who has never even known me and never will.   

Mostly I wanted to update everyone who is still waiting to hear what has happened.  I do not feel like He has finished what He has started, but in my limited understanding I am sitting still and empty.  I know not what will happen, but I trust in Him who does.  I will follow Him all of my days, no matter what the cost.

Thanks to all of you for your prayers, support and encouragement.  Love, Lisa

if You will make a way.....

Dear God,  You know how much I want to follow You.  You have showed me Your heart for the orphan.  Thank You for loving all of us.  Thank You for hearing our cries.  Please reach down and rescue those who are being neglected and mistreated everywhere.  I Know You LORD.  I have seen and believed in Your great strength and power.  You have given me a love for N. beyond my comprehension.  Please move through this situation.  Be exalted.  Glorify Your name.  Reveal Your power.  I am ready to walk this hard and new road, if only You will make a way.

Often times I will ask my children to do something.  "Please go pick up the basement."  And instead of the cheerful, "Yes Mommy," that I was hoping for I get some variation of one or more of the excuses below.

"Can someone help me?" 

"I didnt make that mess."
"Why do I have to?"
"Can I have ______________ when I'm done?"
You dont know how many times I can hear all these excuses and deals in a day.  They really are looking out for number one.  Not wanting to get the short end of the stick.  Work harder than the next kid or do something with out it benefiting them.  At times this really bothers me.  "Just say Yes and do it."
During church yesterday, I realized how much like my kids I am.  I have went around and around these deals and bartering with God over this adoption stuff so many times.

When God first started calling me to step out of my comfort and pursue adoption.  I explained to Him that really others are better equipped, my effort wasnt going to be enough so I wanted someone else to do it.  After all what different would one child make?  I also heard from others and sometimes dared to believe, Following God on this might short change the plans I had for my life, paying off my debt, vacations, moving.  What about my other kids? The sacrifice might be too much.  But I didnt cause God to change His mind.  Still He called me to come enter in with Him in His plan of caring for the least of these.

But then I started looking toward the prize.  If I do this God then __________.  I want to be rewarded by everything smooth sailing, paperwork going quickly, money being raised effortlessly, people being happy for me.  Ever changing "rewards" I think I "deserve" for "faithfully" "obeying". I know it looks gross on paper.  But it is really in my heart sometimes, more subtly, sometimes not.

My kids after asking if they can have a cookie after finishing the jobs and me either saying nothing or we will see, will run and tell the others, "Hurry, Mommy said we can have a cookie after we are done!"  Silly kids, I never promised any reward for there obedience, but they so wanted it that they convinced themselves that it was due them and would be coming.  I have done that too, If I keep persevering, then I will get approved.  After all this, surely I have to be approved.  Why would God allow.....?
There is no promise from God about the outcome of this approval/ adoption.  I am convinced I am where He wants me to be.  I am completely willing to adopt this child to be my son.  To change my world.  To be added to our family forever.  But that is not where I am today.  Today God has asked me to come.  To wait.  To trust.  To pray.  To risk my emotions.  To "sacrifice" "my" money, not for the reward, but to simply obey and say, "yes God."  I hear it.  Get it..  My insides still cry out "But why???  It's not fair"  when I think that this may all be over soon.  I know that God has a plan for my life.  A good plan, and He knows what that is, and He doesnt make mistakes.  I will trust in that and try to silence my fears as I wait again, for now, giving my hopes and expectation to God.  Thrilled that He would call me to walk with Him and know Him better.

Jeremiah 29:11-13
For I know the plansI have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. ¹² Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. ¹³ You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.

Luke 17:7-10
7“Suppose one of you had a servant plowing or looking after the sheep. Would he say to the servant when he comes in from the field, ‘Come along now and sit down to eat’? 8Would he not rather say, ‘Prepare my supper, get yourself ready and wait on me while I eat and drink; after that you may eat and drink’? 9Would he thank the servant because he did what he was told to do? 10So you also, when you have done everything you were told to do, should say, ‘We are unworthy servants; we have only done our duty.’”

Closer to Home

I love the life that God has given me.  I really do.  I hear from others how hard I have it, but most of the time, I think really? "I think I have it pretty good."  But really no matter how good or bad we think we have it here it all pales in comparison the the glory that awaits us.  One day my heavenly Father will come and bring me Home.  I am really looking forward to the day.  At the end of the day, I am one more step closer to home.

Fear of hoping again/ still.  It really is evidence of my great lack of faith.  If my Hope is in Him alone , where I claim that it is, than how can I fear.  But I do.  LORD, increase my faith.  I want my hope to be in you alone.
Today I got word that I need to revamp my homestudy and try to reapply due to my finances.  Even though my finances have not changed.  Even though they know every detail of my budget and every source of my income.  I need to rewrite my budget to show broken out what money I use to take care of these 6 kids and to show that I still have enough "other" money to meet the financial requirements and adequately provide for yet another child.  But there is still no assurance that they will approve, but this is what I need to do.  Another hoop.  So I move forward.  I am thankful for another chance, another hoop.  Lord, direct my steps.  I wonder how much more I can take, but remember that God knows each day before it was here.  Walk by faith and not by sight.

HOPE

                         May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in Him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.   Romans 15:13

Romans 15:4

For everything  that was written in the past was written to teach us, so that through endurance and the encouragement of the Scriptures we might have hope.

Thank you God for giving us hope.  Thank you for Your love.  Thank You for always being with me and leading, guiding, strengthening me each day.  Great IS Your faithfulness, they are new every morning!

                                                   

Getting Closer

It is likely that DCFS and the people in the immigration office will be having a conference call with my home study agency soon.  Hopefully before Friday.  I think that after that call they will be able to give me my answer to whether or not they will approve me for adoption.  This is what I have been waiting for for 6 weeks!   AAAAHHHGGG.  I am excited, nervous, and anxious at the same time.

on HIM not the waves!

Since I do not know how to add music to my blog I  am going to post a you tube video so you can listen to it while you read my post ;o)    

                                                                

I am going to backtrack a couple of days so that this hopefully makes sense as I say it.... A couple of nights ago we were singing on our back patio the song that goes, "Here comes Jesus, see Him walking on the water.  He'll lift you up and He'll help you to stand......"  I spent a lot of time talking to the kids about the importance of the truth of who He is and what happens when we step out of the boat to "come" do the impossible with Him.  And what happens when we take our eyes of of Him and see the waves and the storm.

                                                         

Back to today.  I guess you could say I was sinking.  I was seeing the waves.  I am tired.  So tired of waiting that I physically felt wiped out.  I hurt, love and long for someone that I have never met.  I worry that I am not a fun and loving enough mom.  I feel like my kids are even un happy with me.  I know I am not as good at _______________ as __________ is, over and over.  I dont feel like cooking, teaching, playing, praying, trusting, waiting.  And I wasnt the mom God wants me to be today.  I took my eyes off Him.  I sunk down.  The waves and the storm yelled.  "You are not good enough. They will not approve you.  It is too much work.  It is too hard."  I fumbled through the day and tucked in my kids.  Spent time reading blogs on adoption stories of people I will never live up too, just to wallow in my funk.  As I got ready for bed I clearly heard/ sensed these words.  "On HIM not the waves!"
What does that mean?  Is that what I am doing?  I think back to when I heard about the shocking lives of millions of neglected orphans.  When I asked God what could I do?  When I asked Him over and over, if He truly wanted me to adopt.  He shot down every obstacle I raised?  Every fear got silenced by His Word.  I asked Him to lead me by the hand and speak loudly.  I didnt want to do this on my own.  So I got out of the safety of my boat.  I have walked this amazing, impossible, miracle filled journey with Him and still I got overwhelmed by the furry of the storms in me as I wait.  tonight I am reaching out my hand, "Jesus, save me!"

Holding on

I wish I was writing to share that we have received our approval.  Unfortunately, I am not.  I am still on waiting for answers.  I talked with DCFS today and am hoping that things get resolved quickly, but not setting myself too firmly in that hope.  Instead, I am trying to make the most out of each day and continue doing all the many things that I have to do.  I just read this quote from a mom who is in the Ukraine now adopting her children.  
"Russell Moore, in his book “Adopted for Life” said “Adoption is not charity, it is war.” Friends, Russell Moore is right. Satan hates adoption. He has to come to steal and destroy. Our battle is not over, but I feel with all of my heart that we are walking into a miracle. We know that God goes before us, He has paved the way. He loves these children more than we can even imagine and HE fights for them. For us. We need only be still."

Right now I will be still and know that He is God and rest in that alone.  I just wanted to let people know what is  (and is not) going on.

Anticipating Victory

In great anticipation of getting my home study approved this week, I sent my two sweet little boys of to Gramma's house so I can get tons done with my biggest 4 helpers.  And I went garage sailing Friday and bought a few outfits and shoes for my new baby.
I am completely prepared to tackle all the documents that I can to complete my I800A papers and my dossier.  We also plan on getting lots of soap, lipbalm and jewelry made and ready for sale for raising funds to bring sweet "David" home.  I am going to try to post a entry that introduces our new little addition that has a password on it.  For security reasons we are not allowed to post real information about him publicly until he is adopted and ours, but we can share with family and friends.  So if you are a family and friend and want to meet him, please let me know and I will gladly share him with you.
If any of you are interested in buying any of these things for yourself or for gifts, you can go to Susannah's blog and she has them posted with tabs to look at the different things.  Every little amount helps.   baffafamily.blogspot.com
On a great note fundraising wise.  Our total costs are estimated at $29,000 and I think I only need to raise $13,440 more to be completely covered.  This weekend I was blessed with more money towards our adoption fund.  Thank you for helping me.

I have had an amazing turn of events.  I spoke with the agency supervisor Monday regarding the status of my home study approval.  It turns out they are reviewing my supporting documents and the lady who was being extremely difficult to larger families    we were waiting for approval from is on vacation and has turned my case over to her supervisor.  Keep praying.  I am hoping to hear the results soon.  Meanwhile, I am preparing my next two rounds of paperwork and getting ready for more fundraising efforts.
I found out that the meaning of the name my child I am going to adopt means people of victory or victorious people.  I love it.  Thanks for all the love and support and I cant wait to update you on my approval soon.  And I really cant wait for you to all meet my little guy.

Prayer needed!!   My home study report should be turned in to DCFS sometime this week.  Please pray for patience for me as I wait and that God would move throughout this whole approval process. I want to see Him and know HIM bigger than ever.  I want my kids and the whole world to know that God answers prayer and He is able to accomplish and do all that He asks us to do even when we feel inadequate and defeated.

I also have GREAT news.  I have been matched with a little boy.  He is 2 years old.  Still a long road ahead but I wanted to share my good news as it comes and keep you updated.

Best Buddies

Anthony and Levi woke late this morning and were hugging in the kitchen looking at each other.  Anthony says to Levi, "We're best buddies right?"  

I am not alone.  Not alone in feeling small, insignificant, unable, scared.  In fact I am in the company of a many who went before me. Who experience the ridicule of others, being misunderstood and rejected.  I am not able to do this.  I have no guarantees.  I am not doing this for attention, to feel good or to complete myself.  I am not crazy.  I serve and love a God who is BIG, who loves BIG, who sacrifices BIG, who has BIG plans and BIG promises.  He is always enough and always at work.  Some verses keep encouraging me and being brought to mind.  Also I have a responsibility to care for my children.  I know that and more importantly God knows that.  I will always care for ALL the children that God gives me.  Ultimately He is the one who provides for each of us.  It is NEVER irresponsible to follow God, no matter what it "costs" you.
Ex 3:7-12

Then the LORD said, “I have surely seen the affliction of my people who are in Egypt and have heard their cry because of their taskmasters. I know their sufferings, and I have come down to deliver them out of the hand of the Egyptians and to bring them up out of that land to a good and broad land, a land flowing with milk and honey, to the place of the Canaanites, the Hittites, the Amorites, the Perizzites, the Hivites, and the Jebusites. And now, behold, the cry of the people of Israel has come to me, and I have also seen the oppression with which the Egyptians oppress them. Come, I will send you to Pharaoh that you may bring my people, the children of Israel, out of Egypt.” But Moses said to God, “Who am I that I should go to Pharaoh and bring the children of Israel out of Egypt?” He said, “But I will be with you, and this shall be the sign for you, that I have sent you: when you have brought the people out of Egypt, you shall serve God on this mountain.”
(Exodus 3:7-12 ESV)

Be strong and courageous. Do not fear or be in dread of them, for it is the LORD your God who goes with you. He will not leave you or forsake you.”
Deut. 31:6


Of David. The LORD is my light and my salvation; whom shall I fear? The LORD is the stronghold of my life; of whom shall I be afraid?
Psalm 27:1


And the angel of the LORD appeared to him and said to him, “The LORD is with you, O mighty man of valor.”  And Gideon said to him, “Please, sir, if the LORD is with us, why then has all this happened to us? And where are all his wonderful deeds that our fathers recounted to us, saying, ‘Did not the LORD bring us up from Egypt?’ But now the LORD has forsaken us and given us into the hand of Midian.”  And the LORD turned to him and said, “Go in this might of yours and save Israel from the hand of Midian; do not I send you?” And he said to him, “Please, Lord, how can I save Israel? Behold, my clan is the weakest in Manasseh, and I am the least in my father’s house.” And the LORD said to him, “But I will be with you, and you shall strike the Midianites as one man.”

Judges 6:12-16

But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.   Matthew 6:33

“Do not lay up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy and where thieves break in and steal, but lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust destroys and where thieves do not break in and steal.  For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.

Matthew 6:19-21

He did this so that all the peoples of the earth might know that the hand of the LORD is powerful and so that you might always fear the LORD your God."  Joshua 4:24

Peace that passes understanding

Many of you were praying for my home study.  Thank you.  My case worker came over Monday night.  She is awesome.  She put us all at ease.  And even when I felt like I couldnt articulate my answers well, she really seemed to understand what I was trying to say.  She interviewed each one of us and got the tour of the house to make sure we have enough room for another little one.  I was asked lots of questions about why I homeschool, and plans for providing for this new one.  She asks the kids if they were excited and how they felt about adopting.  Honestly we cant wait.  We are so excited to meet the one God brings to our family.  I am so thankful to be at home with my children.  

                                                 

God answers prayer

We have prayed that God would prepare "Jonathan's" heart for a family.  We have prayed that God would bring Him home quickly.  God answered.  But, God has matched Him with another forever family.  Praise His wonderful wisdom and plan.  I was stunned, and had to regroup, but amazingly I am not sad.  I know that His plans are always better than mine.  I am still waiting for who He will bring into our home.  I am thrilled for this little guy to be chosen and to be going into a family.
I went to an adoption parenting class tonight and was blessed by the parenting encouragement.  I am gearing up for a big garage sale starting tomorrow.

The sweetest 80 cents

I have been blessed beyond understanding.  My kids frequently remind me of how rich we are in what God has done and blessed us with.  He is continuing to bless and fight this Spiritual battle for the defenseless.  We have had many people donate stuff for our next garage sale and encourage us with God's Word and truth.  We have had many financial donations.  Thank all of you for how you have served and given to God and to our family.  We feel so loved by you.  Today and sweet little friend came over to play while her mom dropped off some donations, after dinner they left, but shortly returned.  She hops out of the backseat and comes up to me and says, "I wanted to give some money for your baby."  She takes out her purse and dumps her own coins into my  hand.  What a blessing.  What a tender heart for wanting to help a little child find love and a home.  Thanks for blessing me.

No matter what

When I got saved 20 years ago I remember struggling with God asking Abraham to sacrifice his only son.  I didnt think I could follow God if He asked me to do that.  I prayed and fought and came to the point where I needed to follow God "No matter what!"  I told Him I would and meant it.  Many times in tears I would beg God to make obedience easier, why me? I'd ask.  But always had an assurance that walking with Him no matter what was better than doing it my own way.
His grace, His power, His strength, His peace and His joy has been realized through my weakness, trials, letting go and asking for forgiveness.
I am so grateful that He chose me in spite of all the ugliness and sin in me.  I was completely useless to Him yet He gave me hope.  I was unworthy and ungrateful yet He sacrificed all so that I could be brought into His family.  I can never repay Him, yet He willingly gave.
There are many questions, fears, and concerns as I journey ahead.  I do not know all the answers and how things will turn out.  None of us do.  We walk with God.  In obedience to His Word.  Trusting in Him and not ourselves.  We can cling to His promises and remember His faithfulness as He shows His power to us and to the world through what He has called us to do.  We can not control our futures, but this world is not our home or for our pleasure, but to glorify God as we let Him use our lives to serve Him.  When we see how He lavishes us with undeserved love it can only motivate us to show that same love to others.

Now to him who is able to do far more abundantly than all that we ask or think, according to the power at work within us,  Eph 3:20

Do not withhold good from those to whom it is due, when it is in your power to do it.  Proverbs 3:27


And God is able to make all grace abound to you, so that having all sufficiency in all things at all times, you may abound in every good work.  2 Cor 9:8

1 more time!

Because the last garage sale was so successful.  We have decided to do one more sale before we take all the stuff down.  We still have a nice big solid wood desk, matching solid credenza, beautiful oak oval table, jogging stroller, cool barn wood shelf, tv entertainment cabinet, clothes, dishes (china), pictures.  We will also have baked goods again.  If anyone wants to donate any items for the garage or bake sale please contact me.  100% of the sale will go to adoption.  Either for my family or another family who is adopting a sibling group of 4.  Otherwise please come shop!!!  sale May 17 and 18th.

Mathew 17:20
He said to them, "Because of your little faith.  For truly, I say to you, if you have faith like a grain of mustard seed, you will say to this mountain, "Move from here to there, " and it will move, and nothing will be impossible for you."

I got accepted with a home study agency after my meeting with them today!!!!  Thank you God.  Keep making a way for me to adopt.  Bring who You want into my home.

Day 2 of garage sale

April 4 2012
after 2 long days of having a huge garage sale I am overwhelmed by generosity and the people God has brought by to encourage and to serve me.  We have been blessed with gorgeous weather and a steady turn out.  1 more day to go.  Thank you everyone who has helped out.

Also I have heard from the home study agency and they want a meeting with me to discuss my situation before they decide to take me on.  God has lifted me up and I am daring to hope for things unseen again.  (for now!)  All sorts of verses come to mind about faith being as small as a mustard seed, and God helping our unbelief and also "say to this mountain to be moved..."  Praying that God would move this hurdle and grant me an approved home study.  He has given me peace about this meeting, pray that my eyes stay on Him.  Good-night!

Garage Sale Craziness!!!
All week we have been collecting donations for our fundraiser garage sale for our plans to adopt and the Heims family.  They are adopting a sibling group of 4.  Today the Kripples and Davidsons help organize and set up.  We have been blessed with such amazing and generous friends.  I am overwhelmed and feel loved by everyones thoughtfulness and help.  Tomorrow we will price, Wednesday bake bread and brownies and make candy for the bake sale.  Then Thursday, Friday and Saturday is the sale.  Hopefully the weather cooperates and we have a nice turnout.  Come buy something!  I am thankful for such a big garage too.

waiting.....

April 30
I've prayed and asked God to not allow this home study agency to accept me if He does not want me to adopt and if I will not be approved.  I also acknowledge that His plans for me might be to teach me something else and to go forward and still be denied at the end.  I explained to the kids that if this agency will not do our home study we probably will not adopt and our fundraising money will go to another family.  I had so much peace.  But, that was a half hour ago, and now I am anxiously checking me email again to see if I have heard from Sandra.  "LORD, have Your own way."

Well, I have been waiting for what seems like forever to share with all of you what God is doing, but I keep waiting for the "right" time.  When I know for sure what the end result will be.  When it is safe and comfortable to say how this journey will end, but I am coming to believe that I might not know where and why and how God is going to complete what He has started, but I want you to know.  I do not want to forget how He is moving and changing me as He shows me more of His heart.  His hand, His power, His Great Love is being shown daily.  It isnt anymore about where we wind up in the end, its about what He is doing along the way.
First I am going to share a letter that I wrote over a month ago but I have been waiting for good news on how things are progressing.  So far there has been no good news, but daily mountains, faith trying, exhilarating, hopeful, and emotionally draining days.  Here is my plan, my hopes, following hard after what I believe God is wanting me to do.  By faith I am walking down an exciting and challenging path, even though I know lots of obstacles are blocking my way.  I am going because I believe it is Him that is doing this and not me.  I am trusting that He can overcome any obstacles, but I will not find out what the outcome is until the end.  So I am taking the risk of letting you all see the bumpy way, not just the victorious end (that's what I would like to show you, not all the struggles along the way.)  Here is the letter.
Dear Friends and family,

I have been on a very exciting journey these last 3 months.  I have had my eyes opened to the condition of millions of orphans world wide.  What I have read about has sickened me and I did not want to believe that it was true; but the more I prayed and learned the more saddened I was at the fate of so many little children without anyone to love them and care for and protect them.  I felt overwhelmed and helpless, so I prayed.  As God continued showing me the need, I asked Him, "What can I do to help?"  He has begun to show me how He has made me and how He can use me.   As He began to place on me a desire to adopt a young child with Down syndrome, I of course had so many obstacles.  God one by one tore down my fears or impossibilities.  One night I prayed before God and just admitted that I did not know how He could accomplish this but I offered myself to be used in any way  He would desire.  

When I compare all that God has blessed me with, in contrast to the little so many others have, and worse, they do not only have little in the form of food, love, hope, but they also live with rejection, abuse, disease and fear.  I am so thankful that God chose me even though I was unworthy and I desire to let Him show love "to the least of these" through me and the blessings He has provided me with.  I am excited, impatient, and overwhelmed with the process of adoption.  I have found a little boy from Bulgaria that I would like to adopt.  He has just turned two.  He is calm and healthy and has down syndrome.  The process is long, detailed and expensive.  Each day, I commit myself to His plan and try not to get my heart too fixed on what I want.

Please pray for my home study to go through and be accepted.  Please pray for a match with "Jonathon"  (not his real given name, but we are not allowed to use his real name) or whomever God wants to be a part of our family; and for our fundraising efforts.  I am still selling homemade soap for $5.00 a bar and all natural lip balm for $2.50.  Susannah is selling beautiful handcrafted jewelry.  Necklaces $12.00, anklets $9.00, bracelets $8.00, and earrings $6.00.   We will also be having a garage sale the weekend of May 3-5.  I am taking donations of items for the garage sale and am also hoping to have a baked goods table at the garage sale with homemade bread, cookies, bars, brownies etc. Come and shop if you have time.  At a later date I hope to be selling some raffle tickets for items also, but havent figured it out yet.  If anyone else has any great ideas for fundraising or wants to help by making a donation, please feel free to do so.  Also, if you know anyone who might be interested in donating to or shopping at our garage sale, please pass this info to them.  The total cost of an adoption from Bulgaria ranges from 19,000- 30,000.  I will also be looking into grants and we are tapping all of our resources.  

Thanks for all your love to our family always, and your prayers as we follow God in this next year.  Love, Lisa Baffa

This link is to a video that a friend of mine had on her facebook page and it is so cute I wanted to share it with you.

http://www.facebook.com/l.php?u=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.godvine.com%2FLittle-Girl-Makes-a-Beautiful-Video-for-her-Brother-with-Down-Syndrome-1333.html&h=JAQGWwnLgAQG6g6cOzfLemtLe-ylbVQvgK-H_fDoXLgKwJQ

Sometimes we fear that if we tell others and everything falls through than it is harder.  Actually than we just get to grieve alone.  Even if this story has a different ending for me, I need to take each step as best I can following Him.

Psalm 72:12-14

For He will deliver the needy who cry out, the afflicted who have no one to help.  He will take pity on the weak and the needy and save the needy from death.  He will rescue them from oppression and violence, for precious is their blood in His sight.