Often times I will ask my children to do something.  "Please go pick up the basement."  And instead of the cheerful, "Yes Mommy," that I was hoping for I get some variation of one or more of the excuses below.

"Can someone help me?" 

"I didnt make that mess."
"Why do I have to?"
"Can I have ______________ when I'm done?"
You dont know how many times I can hear all these excuses and deals in a day.  They really are looking out for number one.  Not wanting to get the short end of the stick.  Work harder than the next kid or do something with out it benefiting them.  At times this really bothers me.  "Just say Yes and do it."
During church yesterday, I realized how much like my kids I am.  I have went around and around these deals and bartering with God over this adoption stuff so many times.

When God first started calling me to step out of my comfort and pursue adoption.  I explained to Him that really others are better equipped, my effort wasnt going to be enough so I wanted someone else to do it.  After all what different would one child make?  I also heard from others and sometimes dared to believe, Following God on this might short change the plans I had for my life, paying off my debt, vacations, moving.  What about my other kids? The sacrifice might be too much.  But I didnt cause God to change His mind.  Still He called me to come enter in with Him in His plan of caring for the least of these.

But then I started looking toward the prize.  If I do this God then __________.  I want to be rewarded by everything smooth sailing, paperwork going quickly, money being raised effortlessly, people being happy for me.  Ever changing "rewards" I think I "deserve" for "faithfully" "obeying". I know it looks gross on paper.  But it is really in my heart sometimes, more subtly, sometimes not.

My kids after asking if they can have a cookie after finishing the jobs and me either saying nothing or we will see, will run and tell the others, "Hurry, Mommy said we can have a cookie after we are done!"  Silly kids, I never promised any reward for there obedience, but they so wanted it that they convinced themselves that it was due them and would be coming.  I have done that too, If I keep persevering, then I will get approved.  After all this, surely I have to be approved.  Why would God allow.....?
There is no promise from God about the outcome of this approval/ adoption.  I am convinced I am where He wants me to be.  I am completely willing to adopt this child to be my son.  To change my world.  To be added to our family forever.  But that is not where I am today.  Today God has asked me to come.  To wait.  To trust.  To pray.  To risk my emotions.  To "sacrifice" "my" money, not for the reward, but to simply obey and say, "yes God."  I hear it.  Get it..  My insides still cry out "But why???  It's not fair"  when I think that this may all be over soon.  I know that God has a plan for my life.  A good plan, and He knows what that is, and He doesnt make mistakes.  I will trust in that and try to silence my fears as I wait again, for now, giving my hopes and expectation to God.  Thrilled that He would call me to walk with Him and know Him better.

Jeremiah 29:11-13
For I know the plansI have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. ¹² Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. ¹³ You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.

Luke 17:7-10
7“Suppose one of you had a servant plowing or looking after the sheep. Would he say to the servant when he comes in from the field, ‘Come along now and sit down to eat’? 8Would he not rather say, ‘Prepare my supper, get yourself ready and wait on me while I eat and drink; after that you may eat and drink’? 9Would he thank the servant because he did what he was told to do? 10So you also, when you have done everything you were told to do, should say, ‘We are unworthy servants; we have only done our duty.’”